I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
two words: eviction party
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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