hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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