Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
