we're blogging at a bar
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
