Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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