I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
