6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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