She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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