I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
