oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
