How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
