my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
