happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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