I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
