FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
