why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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