dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize