I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
