So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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