My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
