just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
