I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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