I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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