He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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