hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
is it fun? or sober?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
