so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
