I puked a lego.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
