well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
