Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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