I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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