omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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