If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
