Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
