I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
