After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
