it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
