Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
