we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
