This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize