we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didn't notice because vodka
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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