I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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