i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
