I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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