My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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