new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
