i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
