Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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