I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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