I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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