you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
