your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
