why didn't you poke me back
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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