there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
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I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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