my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
