(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
