Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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