my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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