My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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