I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
