Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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