Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
