the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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