I wish life had little blips of pornography
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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