Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
