He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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