I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
