FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
