You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
